#1 Knowing what’s really important…
Awesome question! Now, I’m going to highlight where I see the
problem, “How do you maintain that attraction when you enter a serious
relationship where maybe the goal is to get married, have kids, buy a
house, consolidate finances and live the rest of the life like two
responsible adults.” Since, when did the goal of any relationship lead
to the marriage, the house, and the kids? Since, when does one need to
“stop being in love” and get on with “being responsible”? Being in love
and being responsible are not two separate things. I can just hear some
of you rebutting what I just said. Maybe some of the things going
through your mind are: “It’s not reasonable to just focus on the
relationship”, or “I don’t have time”, or “There are more important
things”, or “We have adult responsibilities!” So, allow me to let you in
on a little secret: the key to a woman’s heart and the key to your own
heart is that the TWO of you are continually putting each other first.
That’s it. It’s that simple. It’s a minor detail which makes the biggest
difference.
What I mean when I say “put each other first” is that each others
happiness and fulfillment is the LIFEBLOOD of the relationship. This
isn’t about being fair or equal. This isn’t about being 50-50 exchange.
This is about both of you being 100% committed to each other and to the
relationship you are building together. It’s about both of you “playing
full out” or “not playing at all”. In fact, I would say that you owe it
your marriage, and to your kids to be cultivating the best relationship
possible with your partner. The truth is, it’s not the kids, the
marriage, the house, or the career that gets in the way of an intimate
relationship.
The False American Dream (The FAD)
I completely understand WHY a question like this is asked. It’s part
of this False American Dream which includes the wife, the house, the
kids, and the white picket fence – which supposedly will lead to a
lifetime of happiness and bliss. But what happens when we look at the
reality? Reality consists of two people together bound by marriage, in a
house they can’t afford, and children they don’t understand. Many
people are running around with the false idea that the happiness will
increase when they get the house, the wife, and the kids. But the
distinction is that ALL OF THESE are the extension of the happiness
created and magnified in an intimate relationship.
The happiness is found in the ways you connect with your partner on a
daily basis. The happiness comes from the laughter you share together.
The happiness comes in the sharing of each other needs, wants and
desires in a safe and intimate space. The happiness comes from
contributing to each others lives daily. All of this comes first. The
house, the marriage and the children ARE the extension of this
happiness. But they are not the source. The real fulfillment comes from
you truly connecting with your partner because you see and understand
each other in a way that no-one else in the world can truly comprehend.
Relationships fail because one or both partners do not make TIME to
appreciate one another. Relationships fail because “comfort” becomes a
priority instead of growth, honest, and courage. Without romance,
passion, excitement, and intensity are not a priority relationships lose
their ZEST! If you want the passion and the romance then you need to
bring a high standard to your relationship and you need to engage in
that high standard while in the relationship. This is about MAKING the
time and TAKING all the opportunities you can to draw closer and closer
to your partner
#2: Personal responsibility….
To have a great relationship you must continually develop and grow in
character and as a person. In a relationship a person see’s all parts
of you. The dark, the light. The good, the bad. The happy and the
unhappy. The special and the not so special. There is nothing you can
hold back. There is nothing you can hide. The only way you can maintain
that attraction in a relationship is to continually take it deeper and
deeper every single day. A great relationship between two people
includes both of them equally contribute their OWN “greatness”. So, it
takes a level of personal responsibility for each individual to
cultivate their own happiness.
A relationship will always magnify the energies which are brought to
it. If both of you are depressed, your relationship will also feel
depressing to be in. If both of you are happy and excited about life,
then your relationship will be a reflection of this, too.
It grows when you get to celebrate each others successes. It grows
when you can be a pillar of strength for the other when they are going
through a difficult time. It grows when you make time for each other
DESPITE the fact that you have a million things to do.
#3 Being present…
You want to maintain that attraction. You need to continually develop
your presence. Your masculine energy. And, your self esteem. I really
wish I had something new and magical to say here (something that you
haven’t heard before) but it really just comes back to all these things
and especially presence.
These are things that you consistently should be working on in
CONJUNCTION with your relationship. But remember your relationship with
your woman comes first and foremost. This also means doing whatever it
takes to really BE in this relationship. When you are with her, be with
her, in that moment in time. No random thoughts about other people,
other projects, or other things. You need a clear head and an open
heart. “Trying” to be there for a woman when you are really “somewhere
else” can be more damaging than re-enforcing. You are better off being
honest with her and letting her know that you need to clear your head
first so that you can give her your full attention later.
#4 Remembering a woman’s needs for emotional workouts…
Also, remember that a woman needs to experience a whole range of
different emotions. This is just part of her nature. A woman cannot be
constantly happy all the time. Nor can she be constantly sad all the
time. She needs to fluctuate between a whole range of emotions.
It’s like a pressure valve. If you are constantly releasing pressure
on a daily basis, it rarely has time to build up. Therefore when you
make time EVERYDAY to allow a woman to vent and express her emotions she
will be much more happier and fulfilled with you. The happier and more
fulfilled a woman the more she has to give to you in the form of:
validation, acknowledgment, praise, admiration, and respect. And, most
importantly when a woman feels emptied out of the negative and filled up
on the positive, she can truly be: open, feminine, and receptive to
you. All of this in return will make you feel like the strongest, most
powerful man in the world.
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